Turning 30 next month. Married ?6 months. That's just asking to be asked the infamous " when are you going to start a family" question.
Kids are a big part of my life, especially so these past 3 years. The biggest reason for moving back to this part of the country was a little kid-who hadn't even been born then. This little kid still remains the highlight of my days. One smile from him can make all pain go away. Leaving him and the thought of him waking up and asking why i left without saying goodbye still makes me cry. There's just something about kids that make them like warm cocoa-making you feel warm and fuzzy on the coldest most bitter of days.
Treating a kid, raising a kid, playing with a kid, watching a kid die, watching a kid fight and survive are all different experiences-each unique in its own way. People often ask how i can watch kids be sick each day and tell stories of them without batting an eyelash. Heartless some may feel?
I'd like to think i never stopped feeling for every kid i see/saw. Just having my own "pretend kid" makes it hard for me to just look at these sick kids. The thought of having my own beautiful angel and having to leave him/her for other kids each and every day is a scary one. Then of course there are the usual- am i good enough to be a mum? are we good enough to be parents? do we have enough money? are we happy enough to bring a new life into this world? is the world safe enough for a baby?
I'll always love kids. But have a kid? Who knows?
